Communication Myth 4: Conflict is Counterproductive

Leadership in 180 Seconds: The 10 Greatest Communication Myths in the Workplace

Think great teams avoid conflict? Think again. In this episode, we bust the myth that conflict is a leadership failure—and reveal how, when handled well, it becomes a powerful tool for clarity, trust, and innovation. Don’t fear conflict. Learn to lead through it—and watch your team grow stronger.

• Transcript

  Conflict has always been a natural part of life. However we have been taught how to deal with it in very different ways. Some of us may have experienced the extreme of ‘we just can’t deal with conflict so we sweep it under the rug until we explode’. Other’s grew up in homes where conflict always meant a win-lose. Although statistics for Australia are vague, my time with clients suggests that a minority of Australian homes actively work on positive conflict resolution.

  Thus, as we start to delve into conflict, we need to understand our own relationship with conflict. Was conflict encouraged at home? Did anyone ever model win-win conflict? Do you have a healthy view of conflict or do you stay away from it like the plague?

  We also need to take into account our own personality. Do you need time to process prior to conflict, or are you ready to jump straight in? What is your natural response to conflict?

  Many leaders mistakenly believe that if we're effective, our teams won’t experience conflict. They see conflict as a failure, something to eliminate. However, this couldn't be further from the truth. Conflict isn't just inevitable—it's essential. The real problem is conflict that is dealt with poorly  or not dealt with at all.

  Ok, so here are some practical tips in dealing with conflict well.

  First, we need to shift our perspective. Conflict should be embraced, not feared. I am not suggesting you should enjoy it. No one should enjoy conflict. We simply need to recognise it is a hard yet important reality. It’s an opportunity to clarify expectations, enhance relationships, and drive innovation. Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? When we go into a conflict with dread and expecting a bad ending that is what we are likely to get. But when we can embrace conflict and change the story in our head to believe this is an opportunity for growth and connection, we really do change the possibilities.

  Second, listening deeply is key. True conflict resolution isn’t about having the right answer—it’s about genuinely hearing all sides. When people feel understood, they collaborate toward meaningful solutions. One of the key expressions of an empathic leader is the concept of duality. The opposite of duality is easy to see at the moment in American politics. People are deeply entrenched in the view of only one party. There is no stepping back to understand the other person’s perspective and thus separation and broken relationship occurs. Healthy duality says, ‘I see the world in this way. You see the world in that way. I may not agree, but I can respect your point of view, I can learn from you and connect with you without always needing to agree.’

  You see, when we shift our perspective and lean into conflict as a positive, we are the leader who brings clarity. When we listen deeply through conflict we open opportunities for innovation, and new perspectives. And the greatest added bonus is that conflict handled well fosters greater human connection, deeper trust, relational stability and productivity.

  Remember, effective leadership doesn't eliminate conflict—it uses conflict to foster growth and progress.