The Unadvertised Version of Leadership: The Agony of Leadership

Leadership in 180 Seconds: Lessons I have learnt as a leader that few talk about

Leadership isn’t always inspiring speeches and big wins—it can hurt. But that pain isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a sign you’re working with real people, in real relationships. Learn why embracing the discomfort can make you a stronger, more respected leader—and build teams that achieve more together.

Reflection Question:
When was the last time leadership felt uncomfortable, and what did it teach you about yourself?

• Transcript

  Nobody tells you this in the leadership books: sometimes leadership hurts.

  Not because you’re failing, but because working with people inevitably means navigating personalities, differences, and mistakes—yours and theirs. And sometimes, even with the best intentions, we unintentionally cause pain.

  A few years ago, I read The Auschwitz Escape by Joel C. Rosenberg, a work of historical fiction based on the European resistance during World War II. In one scene, a small group disobeys orders and attempts a high-risk rescue of Jews from a train bound for Auschwitz. Every one of them is captured or killed. It’s a powerful example of what happens when leadership and follower-ship lose cohesion—when trust, relationship, and alignment break down.

  The truth is, leadership isn’t always smooth. In fact, the ancient Greek word for “to be led,” ago, comes from the root agon—the same root as “agony.” Even the Greeks understood that both leading and being led can be painful.

  I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve invested years working on my leadership style, my reactions, and my communication. I’d like to think I’m a “safe” leader. And yet, not long ago, I found out I had hurt someone without even realising it. It wasn’t deliberate—but it happened.

  And that’s the reality: leadership will involve friction. People will frustrate you. You’ll frustrate them. Sometimes the decisions you make will cause discomfort. And if you lead long enough, you’ll be on both the giving and receiving end of it.

  So why lead at all? Wouldn’t life be easier if we just worked alone, avoided the complexity, and skipped the pain? Maybe. But it would also be emptier.

  Because here’s the paradox: the very challenges that make leadership uncomfortable are also what make it deeply rewarding. When handled with humility, pain becomes a teacher. It shows us our blind spots. It pushes us to grow. It builds patience, respect, and appreciation for others’ strengths. And it forges stronger teams—teams that achieve far more together than anyone could alone.

  Good leaders don’t step up for the power. They do it because they know that, despite the discomfort, leadership creates more life, more joy, and more impact than isolation ever could. The unadvertised side of leadership is that you can’t avoid the pain. The best leaders embrace it—because they know it’s shaping them into someone worth following.