The Subtle Art of Reframing Resistance

Leadership in 180 Seconds: 14 Secrets of Influential Leaders

Ever faced resistance from a team member and felt stuck? In our next episode of 'Leadership in 180 Seconds,' discover how to transform challenging interactions into opportunities for growth. Learn the art of reframing resistance and why the best leaders listen more and push less. Tune in to uncover the secrets of turning conflict into collaboration.

• Transcript

  Dealing with difficult people is one of leadership’s greatest challenges—but it’s also one of the greatest opportunities for influence.

  I remember a situation years ago. I had been brought in to transform a team. The first thing I did was to meet with every person individually and hear their story. One of the team, evidently a leader and very talented man got straight to the point. ‘What are you going to change?’ I said, ‘nothing is certain. I want to hear people’s stories first. Then I will know if I’m on the right track. However, if I am, then, I explained some of the strategies I expected to use.’ Ben wasn’t really excited about the ideas. In fact, he said quickly, ‘I don’t think it will work’.

  I understood quickly that I was speaking to a man who was influential and if I was going to be successful, I needed Ben on board. So I met with Ben much more regularly than other team members, getting feedback, listening to what he thought and suggested.

  In the end, I implemented everything I had outlined to Ben in that first meeting and more and Ben became an advocate for the change.

  Too often, when people disagree with us, we are quick to blame them, or to tell them to get on board. Great leaders hear people who disagree and see opportunity to learn, grow and connect. Rather than seeing difficult people as obstacles, great leaders consider it an opportunity to deepen influence.

  We need to stay emotionally even-keeled and ask, ‘What’s driving their reaction?’ Understanding their motivations, frustrations, and fears allows us to respond in a way that defuses conflict rather than escalates it. And this is key: As soon as there is a barrier between two people, your influence is lost. If your goal is to influence anyone, you need to keep on removing those barriers.

  In his excellent book, Mindstuck, Michael McQueen highlights that the key to effectively navigating resistance isn’t arguing harder, but listening better. True influence lies in our ability to genuinely understand someone else’s perspective and to validate their concerns—even when we don’t agree.

  I have read a number of books about sales and negotiation that show the best negotiators don’t dominate conversations; they listen and ask questions that open doors to mutual understanding.

  Now, here is the real gold. The resistance that we most need to reframe is often not in the other person. It’s in us. When I can hold the things I want lightly for long enough to stop building that wall; we have greater opportunity to understand our team member’s perspective, to learn and grow with them and to find the win/win.

  Next time you find yourself facing resistance, pause, lean in and ask questions. Allow the other person to feel heard and valued. Influence isn’t about overpowering; it’s about reframing resistance toward common understanding.