The Secret of Selective Vulnerability

Leadership in 180 Seconds: 14 Secrets of Influential Leaders

Selective vulnerability is a powerful—and often underestimated—leadership skill. When leaders share their imperfections thoughtfully, they build trust, deepen connections, and inspire genuine loyalty. In this episode, discover how strategic vulnerability can strengthen your influence, create authentic relationships, and why being real is more impactful than appearing perfect. Learn to lead with authenticity, and watch your team's engagement soar.

• Transcript

  Selective vulnerability is a powerful yet underestimated leadership skill. Many leaders hesitate to reveal their imperfections, believing that strength and influence come from projecting confidence and control at all times.

  But the truth is, strategic vulnerability doesn’t weaken your influence—it deepens it.

   Brené Brown highlights that trust and authentic connections are born when leaders courageously show they're human—flaws, struggles, and all. Your imperfections, when shared selectively, make you relatable and trustworthy. They allow your team to see your authenticity, inspiring them to be authentic in return.

   However, selective vulnerability isn’t about oversharing or burdening your team with personal issues. It’s about strategically choosing moments to demonstrate humility, acknowledge mistakes, or share challenges you've overcome. Doing so creates a culture where openness and honesty thrive, and innovation follows.

   Here’s one of my key points today. Finding the right balance of vulnerability is hard. Oversharing can be damaging. I have been guilty of this. And showing a facade of perfection is also not healthy. You need to figure out which end of the spectrum you tend towards and then adjust accordingly to keep on aiming for that sweet spot of vulnerability.

   I started focussing full time on leadership development just 18 months ago. Quickly I found that some didn’t believe leadership in churches was sufficient experience to develop leaders in business. So I started hiding this. I tried to couch it in terms of working in not-for-profits. 9 months ago, I found my conversion rates were terrible.

   I realised that I was struggling with my own authenticity every time I spoke to a potential client. Even though I have regularly taught about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability.

   I did some journalling and started wrestling with my past and decided that if I was going to encourage others to be authentic, I needed to be too. I started talking about my past openly and proudly. Certainly, some people disengaged. But, my sales numbers started to take off. Authenticity and vulnerability led to significant increase in influence.

   Remember, people don’t follow perfection; they follow authenticity. Leaders who show a good level of vulnerability foster genuine loyalty, higher engagement, and stronger team performance.

   So, next time you’re tempted to maintain the perfect image or to divulge too much, consider this: What kind of leader would you trust

   Someone who’s flawless?

   Someone who’s spiralling out of control?

   Or someone who has the courage to lead with strength and vulnerability?